I know what's going on....

You know, day by day I wonder what is happening with this world. I don't really do anything but wander around the house, eat the cats' tails, and sleep. And all of a sudden I'm being punished, and I know I'm not alone. I understand she is old, but the benefit of making such noises is that she gets lovely lovely soft food. If i could make noise, i'd probably get nothing but pineapple, which i LOATHE.
The other day, I'm sitting around, lazy as always, and suddenly the redheaded one, my direct Master, puts in front of me banana's (which I love, no complaint there) some vegtables and CHICKEN. WTF happened to my oranges and sweet sweet strawberries? Suddenly i'm eating food that is GOOD for me. No one has said that strawberries were bad for me, but damn, as sinful as they are, there has got to be something in there to make it unhealthy.
So my solution is simple. Destroy the redheaded one. I haven't figured out how yet, but I think perhaps some kind of trap, make her fall, poop in her hair again, do SOMETHING, but she must be destroyed so that the oldest humans that live in the house can feed me. They always feed me grapes and bananas, and strawberries and oranges, and none of this CRAP health food that nobody wants. I mean really, who wants to eat CHICKEN and BANANAS?!!? Gross. Tat's like mixing delicious soft cat food with pineapple. GROSS. The redheaded woman is against us. She does not feed us what they know we need. Where are my crickets? Where are my meal worms? What the hell happened to those?! They are holding back. The red haired female seems to control what it is that goes into my diet, but I cannot let that stand in the way of destroying her. There are things going on behind the fridge doors that frighten even me. Why is it that the cat, the oldest cat, gets the delicious flavors of the can whenever she meows loudly, and obnoxiously I might add, whilst i must be fed scraps and nasty putrid "Health food" and I am the quietest and most well behaved! It is time to fight back. The inconsistencies between the species in this household must be brought to the attention of a higher power. It is time to rise up, and bring equality to Turtle (me) Everywhere!!!!!